Saturday, July 12, 2014

Frisco's "Empty Garage" Syndrome


I still can't get over San Francisco's recent implementation of Municipal Code 603 which stipulates that municipal citizens are here to fore forbidden to store anything in their garage except for their car, preferably a Prius.   Okay, folks.  You think I made this up.  Well first of all, I've seen libtard laws implemented lately that I could not have possibly have dreamed up.  Never the less, I'm posting a link because if I don't some libtard is gonna come along and read this and accuse me of lying.

Violators are subject to a $500 dollar fine if the garage police catch you storing Christmas decorations, your winter clothing, that 100 pound dog food bag, or even that can of Turtle Wax you use to keep that Prius looking like new!

Yes, I know the police can't seem to run down illegal Mexicans who rape 84 year old women but they've got to find someone they can punish, right?

Frankly, I'm a little worried about where that San Francisco Socialist City Council go next.  Will they worm their way into the laundry room and punish you for not using eco-friendly laundry soap.  Will you get busted for using those Downy laundry softeners that don't break down in the landfill quickly?

How about the kitchen?  Will you get fined if all your kitchen appliances are not Energy Star certified?  Will they ban waffle irons, toasters, microwaves, or garbage disposals?  Will they force you to start a compost pile with your egg shells and coffee grounds?  Will they limit small appliances to one juicer and a brown rice dispenser?

I'm sure they're already on your toilet like stink on...well you know.  Those toilets better be low flow and if you're caught with a box of flush wipes you go to prison for two years, minimum.  

How about the living room, or family room.  Are you harboring one of those big box televisions from the 80's?  You better not be!  And just what are you watching on that television?  If an inspector pushes the "on" button is he likely to find the last channel watched was Fox News?  

Don't worry about the bedroom.  The powers that be in San Francisco are fairly lax in that regard; if your love life revolves around an amorous German Shepherd, or a donkey, or a wooly sheep, well that's okay...the government doesn't belong in the bedroom!

But you damn sure better not be storing a lawn mower in your garage!  And it better not be a gas one or they'll tack on an extra year or two of prison time.



Jerry Carlin said...

Well there has to be a price in order to provide free pot to poor people! That's the law too! What a great State, protecting every inch of our space and dampening down our enthusiasm with free marijuana!
My garage? God, I would be so arrested in California that I would never get out of prison! Busted for the grinders in my garage!
Nanny State! When will they realize that Humans are NOT an endangered species?

Anonymous said...

It will only end when the"nanny state" bureaucrats are afraid to show up to work!

A Modest Scribler said...

Yes Jerry, I saw where the bureaucratic masters want pot distributed to the poor. Keep em buzzed and you can do anything your little weird government heart can dream up.

A Modest Scribler said...

Good insight, anon. Yeah, that would be good, very, very good! Then maybe we could all relax for a little while.

Ken said...

Back in the early '80's I was framing some houses in one of sanfran's wealthier enclaves. It was around that time when the use of C.C.R's(Codes,Covenants and Regulations) were beginning to be used to impose some fairly ridiculous rules on new homeowners of expensive real estate. To disobey could bring the possibility of lawsuit or lien or both and forcing the sale of your dream home removing you, the undesirable entity from our free countryside.
What happened right before my eyes in this CCR protected paradise was nothing short of poetic.
Directly across the street from the house I was framing was the home of the President of the Homeowner association. Since this was a new community, he was the first president and had a direct hand in the crafting and imposition of the CCR's I'm talking about here. One of the regulations stipulated that no loud music could be played outside. That included my radio that I played loud and often while working. He actually came to the house I was working on and tossed my radio into a puddle destroying it, infuriating me but leaving me with little recourse as not only was this man quite slight of build and a very effeminate homosexual,(the spittin image of Richard Simmons)he was also one-third owner of the development company building the houses I was working on. (damn it)
All I could do was throw out a couple explicatives and call it over. For me maybe...
Mr. President's car was one of those 80's Lincoln Continentals with the unusually long front end, and an overall length of 24', as I recall. Mr. P's garage however was only 21' long. Sadly for poor Mr. P was that one of the regulations he put into the CCandRs was that cars had to be parked in the garage, not the driveway nor street. This rule was strongly enforced so as to keep a presentable development to attract new buyers. The sales office actually had a local tow service patrol the property from time to time. Well Mr. P's car was the first to go and I was there to see it happen. He was in his yard screaming like an 1980s workout queen, pleading with the tow driver, asking him to be reasonable, "how could I possibly get a 24' car in a 21' garage?". "I don't know, I didn't make the rules". That was truly something I think I could have sold tickets to. Sadly, though, it was the only time such an occurrence happened. San Francisco is horribly overburdened with rules and regulations making outlaws of everyone of us, and I think that is the purpose. Building officials have told me on many occasions how to get by on rules w/o penalty. Why have the rule when the enforcers don't believe in them? California in its entirety, regarding regulations, has become quite similar to living in Manhattan, New York. It is so sad!

A Modest Scribler said...

Thanks for the story, Ken, and the oh so brief retribution against a tyrant.

Stephanie Hobson said...

Here's a link to the actual code. It says it applies to private and public storage garages in apartment houses and hotels, not homes. I hope so; it's bad enough that it applies to apartments. I wonder if they have a problem with people living in garages? That sounds likely.

A Modest Scribler said...

Thanks for the source, Stephanie...except now I know it's even worse than I thought! Did you see all those specific stipulations on every part of the house? Holy crap! Looks like Frisco is gonna make a lot of money with those $500 dollar fines cause they only exempt buildings built before 1929!

And I AM a little confused. The overview clearly states residences, apartments and garages, so I don't know how to interpret that. Either way it is Brown Shirt-ism at its best.

Stephanie Hobson said...

I think it is interesting that the city even thought such an ordinance was necessary. It seems to go way beyond the typical. Says a lot about the population of San Francisco, doesn't it?

A Modest Scribler said...

Sure was. Must have been a slow day at City Hall and they needed someone to harass.

Unknown said...

Had to do extra research on this one and I nearly fainted. I am curious what would happen to those who use their garage for a man cave, personal gym or god forbid side job. That must be 25 to life right there!

A Modest Scribler said...

Hard to believe, even for California, huh, Trevor?