Saturday, November 22, 2014

"Where's Idi Amin When You Need Him?"


Where the hell is Idi Amin when you need him?  For you youngens, Idi Amin was the dictator of Uganda for about the same two terms that our dictator, Obama will serve.  The guy was amazing...he was an equal opportunity cannibal who literally ate both friend and foe.  He found his political enemies particularly tasty.  If he liked you just a little bit he would just throw you to the crocodiles.  When he was finally overthrown they found human body parts in his freezer as he was unable to finish off his kills before the overthrow.

When I first got to Saudi Arabia in the late 80's old Idi was living over in Jeddah, having embraced Islam at the last moment and given sanctuary by the Saudi King.  I think he died in Saudi, from indigestion after ingesting a Philipino houseboy.  

Anyway, I'm kind of nostalgic these days for old African dictators.  And I'm longing for those days when an African nation's name coincided with the one I learned in Geography class.  I mean, really, Idi kept his kill count down to reasonable thousands...he didn't raise whole armies and drive an entire nation across national borders and he didn't go for those mass murders of ten thousand or so.

And Idi had no problems with Christians or Jews and only picked up a Koran when he needed to sit his human barbecue plate on while watching re-runs of Gilligan's Island.  And remember the Israeli's Raid on Entebbe?  Idi had pigged out on "leg of umgawah" that night and slept through the whole thing!

But, again, I just miss our old dictators.  Where's Momar Quaddaffi?  Where's Haile Selassi?  Where's Hosni Mubarrak?  Where's Anwar Sadat?  These guys could be bought and stay bought!  Now it's all mass chaos out there in the Mid East and we're drowning in Arab Springs!  Hell, even Sadaam Hussein is starting to look good!...he kept the camels running on time and he killed fewer people than ISIS is shooting for.  So, I'm missing some of those old time dictators, especially Idi Amin.

Besides, I like Idi's medals.  When I become dictator I'm gonna wear that same uniform.  :)

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