Thursday, June 14, 2012

Hair Care For Codgers

God is truly cruel to old men.  Just when we think we have our stuff together emotionally, when we reach senior status we begin to experience a whole host of weird physical changes.  Our libido diminishes, our chest settles around the belt line and our pecs turn into man-boobs.

But by far the most irritating is what happens to our hair follicles.  While we begin to lose that majestic head of hair on top it begins to sprout in the most unlikely of places.  Our eyebrows begin to take on the image of a bird's nest which invariably makes us look angry all the time.  As if that were not enough, great bursts of hair blossoms begin to sprout out of our ears and all along the ear line.  Not satisfied with these atrocities, our bodies then begin to send some kind of super-serum to our nostrils that result in a forest of nose hair exploding from our nose holes.

While young men might spend an inordinate amount of time devoted to the care of their hair with their special shampoos and mousses we old guys have to devote an equal amount of time just trying not to look like some mutated version of a hairy ogre!  And it takes real diligence to keep these wild hair sprouting under some measure of control.  I have often failed to keep a regular maintenance effort and when I do I begin to notice little kids keeping their distance when they see those birds nest eyebrows that seem to grow with wild abandon.  When I find hearing conversation difficult, or find myself cupping a hand over my ear to hear something on television, I know it's time to break out the scissors and root out those hair blooms from my ears.

The hair on my head is no longer a problem.  Since I have little on top anymore every couple of months or so I just pull out an old pair of hair clippers and mow it all off.  I have long past the time when a "comb-over" would fool anyone so I choose not to.

But, keeping all the rebel hair outbreaks elsewhere on my body is a burden that is truly hard to bear.  Maybe I should just go to the store and buy some of that Rogaine that supposedly allows men to keep their hair a bit longer.  I tried that Rogaine when I was younger and the only result was a loss of hair.  Maybe I'll just spray Rogaine in my ears and up my nose and get the same results!

No comments: