Friday, June 9, 2017

Dear Facebook,


Dear Facebook,

I just read that your IT folks have something like a million algorithms designed to make my Facebook viewing a more enjoyable experience.  Might I suggest a few more?

1) Please don't show me posts by my friend Marsha's third cousin's neighbor.  I do not know him and have no interest in hearing about his gall bladder surgery.

2) After an animated cartoon, or cartoon joke has appeared on my timeline for the twelfth time, please do not allow it to be posted ever again.  

3) FB, please let me choose my own friends.....I do not need your suggestion that the 2,000 people who know Jenny's daughter, Cindi might be a good FB friend.  And you may automatically delete "Friend Requests" for me from Islamabad, Manila, Bangkok or any other distant archipelago in the wide, wide world.

4) Please DO allow posts to my timeline from my friends.  I am always astounded that I get posts about things and people whom I have zero interest in....posts that clutter my Facebook wall and crowds out those posts from some of my closest friends.  I should not have to go hunt on my friend's timeline to see how he/she is doing.

5) Regarding your "news feed", please use your brilliant algorithms to eliminate any news articles from "The Huffington Pissed", any news article that mentions the word "Progressive",  any article that expresses extreme joy about the Obamas' new $10 million dollar Washington fact any thing that is about Obama, Hillary or Bill Clinton, Nasty Pelosi or Kathy Griffin.  And while I'm at it, I don't care when George and Alma Clooney's baby is due.

6) Re your ad feeds, please limit any ads to dog food, Bacardi Rum, and high fiber nutrition.

7) Finally, when I post a photo of myself, please use your photographic filters to make me look more like Brad Pitt and less like Homer Simpson.

Thank you.

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