Monday, March 25, 2019

Weekend War Gaming

                                                              Schumer: "You heard?"

Schumer: "Yeah" Mueller forwarded the indictments, Trump not involved....(sighs)

Pelosi: "We're gonna have to think of something else".

Schumer: "Yeah, but what? We were gonna attack his tax returns but my contact inside the IRS said the guy paid something like a billion in taxes".

Pelosi: "Maybe Ivanka or Don Junior?"

Schumer: "They've been quiet as church mice lately. I'm not seeing anything promising there."

Pelosi: "What about his buddying up to North Korea?"

Schumer: "Don't think it will work. Folks seem to be happy that Fat Elvis is not firing off missiles for the last two years".

Pelosi: "Can we score any hits off the McCain attack?"

Schumer: "That may be dead too. Some columnist just posted the nasty stuff I said about McCain before he caved and killed Obamacare. Hell...our buddy, economist Paul Krugman just got outed for calling McCain a heartless heel just hours before he turned his thumb down. People are starting to see the hypocrisy of it. Let's face it, Nance, most folks know we never liked McCain. We only praised him because Trump didn't like him either. Hell, Arizona liked McCain even less than Trump!"

Pelosi: "How about we attack Trump with the Green New Deal?"

Schumer: Won't work. The EPA just ran the greenhouse numbers and found out if we banned both cars and cows we wouldn't put a dent in the greenhouse gas numbers. Seems our biggest problem is we've got too many people on the planet breathing these days".

Pelosi: "Well, hell, Chuck! There's got to be something we can attack him on! Did he make any McDonald's runs over the weekend?"

Schumer: "You may have something there. Let's subpoena his press secretary and make her testify under oath about last week's menu."

Pelosi: "Meantime, there's always that wall thing."

Schumer: "Speaking of walls, I was sorry to hear some maniac posted your address and issued an invite to your mansion a few weeks ago. Did you get many "undocumented visitors?"

Pelosi: "Yeah, had some trying to climb my back fence...asking for asylum, a free meal, and a place to sleep."

Schumer: "What did you do?"

Pelosi: "I called ICE and had their asses deported."

Schumer: "Sweet!"

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