Monday, June 8, 2015

Welcome To The Health Care Showroom


Good morning ladies and gents.  Welcome to the Healthcare Showroom!  We've got three models we'd like to show you so grab a cup of free coffee there and come along with me.


Now you look like a well educated, hard working person!  So, here's the deal.  To score this beautiful 2015 Cadillac all you need to do is kick in 6% of your gross earnings for the next 50 years.  At a a modest salary of $40,000 a year you will have paid in about $125,000 dollars.   Now we take that $125,000 and we give you compound interest at the average 30 year Federal Bond yields of 7 percent, and at the end of that 50 year period you will have accrued nearly $500,000 dollars into a Medical Savings Plan.  That, my dear fellow has earned you the Cadillac Health Plan that President Barry always talks about.  Under our Cadillac Health Savings Plan you can purchase an annual medical premium for $20,000 per year.  This model is a doozy!  You choose any doctor your want.  You pay no deductibles and you get free dental and medical and optical...and, hell, you can even get a few nip and tucks with your favorite plastic surgeon if that suits you!  And that $500,000 that you accrued over a lifetime of work has got you paid up till age 90, well past your average life span!  Pretty sweet, huh?

Or maybe you'd be interested in the U.S. government's model.  Uncle Sam calls it "Medicare".


With Medicare you pay in that same 6% of gross earnings...but you don't get paid interest on your $125,000 in contributions (that interest stays with the government!)  And at 65, after you've paid in for 50 years, the government will give you a lovely little subcompact.  Yeah, you get to go to a doctor the government tells you to go to..but what the hell, huh?  Oh, I also have to keep paying a Medicare premium even after that $125,000 grand you kicked in. (Sorry)  And you might have to kick in a few thousand more for any medications you might need.  But, hey, who needs that big luxurious Cadillac anyway, right?

 You say you're not too crazy about Uncle Sam's "Medicare" model?  Well, have I got a deal for you!
It's the "Mercedes Medicaid Plan!"


Now the beauty of this baby is that you don't need to work at all!  You don't need to study hard and get an education, and because you don't pay nothing for the Mercedes Medicaid Plan!  Beautiful, huh?  Even better; you don't have to wait until you're 65 to drive this beauty!  Just make sure you stay out of an employment office and you're good to go!  Free medical, dental, and, baby, not even a co-pay!  And the deal gets sweeter!  Not only are you enjoying the Mercedes Medicaid model but Uncle Sam will kick in such luxury options as a welfare check, food stamps, a free housing voucher, free school breakfast and lunch for your kids, and even reduced price tuition if any of them get past high school!  Sweet, huh?  Can I put you behind the wheel if this sweet model this morning?

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Sold me on the Mercedes! I'm calling in, no more work for me.