Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Treating Kids With Kid Goves


I just read this week that some parent associations across the country are now advocating for their school age children to indulge in a little daily pot smoking to calm their nerves and sooth their worries.

Hey, it had to happen.  I'm not surprised at all.  It all began back in the 50's with the Dr. Spock "bible" on child rearing.  Spock asserted that physical spanking was detrimental for the healthy child and that allowing the child to "indulge life" was a far superior technique.  

And so kids began to "indulge" like crazy.  They "indulged" in supermarket aisles when you refused to let them send a shelf of groceries tumbling down the aisle, or when you refused them their high sugar content cereal.  They learned to perfect the "primal scream" that made chalk screeching on a chalkboard seem comparatively pleasant.  They learned to throw ketchup bottles and squeeze mustard on your best shirt when you refused to let them order the .32 ounce Top Sirloin special.  Hell, they even learned to wail when the waitress brought coke instead of their Nehi Orange!

Then, as these "indulged kids" grew to man and woman hood it became acceptable to avoid the draft, opting to choose which wars you'll participate in...they learned to smoke pot and snort cocaine and even inject heroin.  And when they grew even older they learned to integrate the art of "indulgence" into civil law; soon entire communities began outlawing parental spanking and adopting the "it takes a village" approach to child rearing.  These same "indulgees" soon infested the court system and began to declare all criminals as some form of victim for which societal laws were deemed too harsh.  Soon these "indulged" judges began to offer probation time and time again, allowing multiple felons free to "graze" in the green pastures of civilized society, committing rape and robbery and violent mayhem, only to have their hands slapped gently and sent back into society to inflict more damage.

Admittedly, all this "indulgent" behavior was quite irritating to the rest of us, especially parents who had to live with these little indulged cretins 24/7.  So, ironically, millions of kids began to be miraculously diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder which gave blessing for parents to drug up the little minions and turned them into walking zombies just so others could tolerate them.  Now tens of millions of those little pills are dispensed to Joan and Johnny and, for the time the kid is "fully zombied the teachers and parents are granted a few minutes of respite from this "indulgence".

And so, this week, after decades of using Ritalin to control "indulgent behaviors" a significant number of parents are now advocating for letting the kids smoke a little weed to chill them out a bit.  What a concept!

My only question is, what are Joanie and Johnny gonna snack on after that joint session at recess.  The Obamas have taken Cheetos and Fritos and Ho-Ho's out of the school snack machines...somehow I'm not seeing a Granny Smith apple satisfying their munchies needs after a session of Purple Kush.

Perhaps these parents can get some pot brownies into the school vending machines....anything for a little adolescent peace, right baby?

No comments: