Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Planning A Cocktail Party? Consider Vodka Soaked Tampons
Okay. I admit I am totally baffled about our current social "getting your kicks" culture. Yes, I have heard of Ecstacy, the date rape drug. I have read of kids now being able to reach under the kitchen sink and grab a few common household items and concoct a great new "get high" wonder drug. Years before that I read of kids who sniffed airplane glue and paint fumes to get high.
But I was absolutely floored this morning when I read of the new trend in how kids get their "highs". It seems that the kids have figured out how to get drunk at school without having alcohol on your breath or having to wait for an hour or so to realize the nirvana of alcohol.
Our local CBS affiliate reports this mornng that teens are now using Vodka soaked tampons to get through the school day. The trend started when some girl cranked up her innovative genes and thought of the idea of carrying a vodka soaked tampon to school, inserting it, and getting a nice alcoholic high within minutes. The craze has now caught on and "vodka tampons" are all the rage. It seems the vascular sensitivity in this area heightens the alcohol high and packs a real punch within minutes....and does so by avoiding the risk of having alcohol breath in class.
Not to be outdone the boys have caught on to this and are electing to insert vodka tampons into their rectums and are experiencing equally thrilling alcoholic highs at the good ole alma mater.
Alas, doctors and teachers are not happy about this. Apparently, teachers will be merrily lecturing about The Great Society only to find a student collapsing at his desk in a drunken stupor. Doctors are not so happy either as they are forced to deal with sickness and death from alcohol poisoning.
As I said, I'm totally lost with all of this. Our "bad guys" in high school were toughs you'd find smoking a cigarette in the bathroom. I guess my kids were facing marijuana. Later came the paint and airplane glue sniffing which evolved into the home brews of Ajax and 409 or whatever. And now we have Vodka soaked tampons.
Who says today's kids aren't intelligent? Maybe Proctor and Gamble will hire them and they can begin to market tampons in a variety of flavors; Rum Reams, Virgin Margaritas and Gyn-gin fizzes.