As expected, this morning the Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act, thus ruling that society no longer has the right to designate institutions they choose to honor and legalize. Basically, now it's "anything goes". Today's ruling opens the doors for all those oppressed people who believe marriage between humans, dogs, and yes even sheep are perfectly normal.
I spoke with a Sheepherder named Ahmad from Northern California just after the Supremes released their decision. He was absolutely joyous. He's lived with Sally Sheep for years in a relationship that American society has here to fore perceived as sinful and perverted. Ahmad is convinced that today's decision opens the flood gates to human-sheep marriage in the very near future. Ahmad says he loves Sally Sheep immensely; she never complains of headaches when he is amorous, does not go out on expensive mall shopping trips, has no avidity for diamond rings and other expensive treatments, and only requires one clipping of her lovely curls once per year.
This ruling today brought joy to all those who embrace human-other species marriage. One equestrian from Southern California, let's call her Ms Jones, was elated. She and her horse have enjoyed an intimate relationship for years, Ms Jones claiming her stud more "prominent" than any man. After this morning's ruling the two plan to build a stable and settle down, anticipate a Supreme Court ruling that will sanction their relationship quite soon.
On the New York Stock Exchange shares of crib makers, baby food producers, children's clothes and toymakers plunged as investors anticipated lower national birth rates over the coming years.
This was offset by rising commodity prices for lamb and a surge in prices for companies involved in producing sheep shears, bridles, saddles and reins.