Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Supreme Court Rules! Sheep Next!


As expected, this morning the Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act, thus ruling that society no longer has the right to designate institutions they choose to honor and legalize.  Basically, now it's "anything goes".  Today's ruling opens the doors for all those oppressed people who believe marriage between humans, dogs, and yes even sheep are perfectly normal.


I spoke with a Sheepherder named Ahmad from Northern California just after the Supremes released their decision.  He was absolutely joyous.  He's lived with Sally Sheep for years in a relationship that American society has here to fore perceived as sinful and perverted.  Ahmad is convinced that today's decision opens the flood gates to human-sheep marriage in the very near future.  Ahmad says he loves Sally Sheep immensely; she never complains of headaches when he is amorous, does not go out on expensive mall shopping trips, has no avidity for diamond rings and other expensive treatments, and only requires one clipping of her lovely curls once per year.

This ruling today brought joy to all those who embrace human-other species marriage.  One equestrian from Southern California, let's call her Ms Jones, was elated.  She and her horse have enjoyed an intimate relationship for years, Ms Jones claiming her stud more "prominent" than any man.  After this morning's ruling the two plan to build a stable and settle down, anticipate a Supreme Court ruling that will sanction their relationship quite soon.

On the New York Stock Exchange shares of crib makers, baby food producers, children's clothes and toymakers plunged as investors anticipated lower national birth rates over the coming years.

This was offset by rising commodity prices for lamb and a surge in prices for companies involved in producing sheep shears, bridles, saddles and reins.



ben said...

This is one SICK statement!!!!!!!

A Modest Scribler said...

Ben, many "sick" statements are never the less true.

Would your last name be "Dover" by any chance?..I'm sorry..that WAS a sick statement.

ben said...

Bite Me! You are as sick as this article!

A Modest Scribler said...

You are absolutely right, Ben. I'm not too proud of myself with this essay. It's just that it is so damn hard for middle America to be heard nowadays. Illegals, minorities, gays and even perversions receive far more attention than those who just happened to have an old fashioned view of marriage as an institution.

Sometimes the only way to be heard is to be as ridiculous in your logic as they are in theirs.

Thanks for your comments.

ben said...

Did I miss something here? Did you write the original article? I though you were just responding to my commit. Please clarify. Either way I still say this is some sick stuff. How does anyone having sex with a sheep or a horse relate to a same sex marriage?

Thanks, Ben