Dateline: Bangor, Maine
July 4th, 2026, 5:06AM
The United States of America died today. She was 248 years old. Born in Philadelphia to a group of patriots who, inspired by the teachings of Locke and Rosseau, had written into law the Declaration of Independence that severed relations with Great Britain, then an authoritarian monarchy. Twelve years later many of these patriots would, having emerged victorious in war, go on to pen an American constitution that was to inspire the envy of the world and oppressed people everywhere.
Through the championing of individual freedom, the rule of law and the belief that a citizen, if educated properly, given moral guidance and granted the liberty to pursue his unique dreams and aspirations, would form a vast network of achievers that would carry the nation to a supremacy of democracy and prosperity hereto unknown to man.
These creeds, and America's willingness to defend her borders against all enemies, foreign and domestic, were the keys to America's robust success for over two centuries. Poets wrote great sonnets to her; "Breadbasket To The World", cried Sandburg, as America indeed fed the world when no one else would. White crosses spanned the globe where Americans fought and died to fight tyranny and preserve freedom. Americans from all walks of life created and invented and worked tirelessly to create levels of freedom, security and prosperity that no civilization had ever known. Oppressed people in the darkest corners of oppression worshipped the words of Jefferson and Lincoln and immigrants dreamed of some day coming to her golden shores to achieve "the American Dream".
Alas, the very success that propelled America to new heights in human civilization, was also her downfall.
During the last half century of her life America began to crumble under the weight of political corruption and power grabs which took the form of legislating overly generous social programs that were fraught with fraud, waste and abuse. These programs corrupted the competitive nature of her citizens and literally destroyed the work ethic that had made America great. Payroll tax revenues declined while government outlays increased to unimaginable levels and the national debt became untenable. Conditions became even more dire when hordes of invaders from Mexico, lured by the easy promise of U.S. government largess, insinuated themselves into every facet of American life. Crime rates soared, drug use increased and Latino street gangs became the "enforcers" when law enforcement proved unable to stop them. Large Mexican barrios formed in every major city, their streets lined with fast food wrappers, used condoms, old tires and mariachi music blaring from every home, with four cars parked on the front lawns.
In the first decade of her third century it became clear that America had neither the political will nor the moral courage to protect her borders. While many state governments, especially those in the Southwest, alarmed by the invasion's critical impact on the quality of life, tried mightily to stem the tide by implementing local measures to slow the invasion, the federal government and the federal courts threw up roadblocks against every effort to stop the illegal invasion.
When it became clear that America would no longer protect her borders, one hundred million Mexicans invaded America over the last decade of her life. Augmented by a huge "scout force" of 20 million illegals already in country, the massive invasion was accomplished with little American opposition since political elections were in the hands of 50 million illegals who had been given amnesty, full citizenship and the power of the ballot box. The last vestiges of opposition by American patriots were swept out of office under the Hispanic motto "oppose us; you are racists", "join us and rejoice in the glory of a New Mexican Republic that runs from the Canadian border to Mexico City, our new national capitol."
In the last decade of her life America witnessed the end of the glory of home ownership, quality education, or the security of a living wage. American businesses, who once championed illegal immigration in order to secure cheap labor, began to migrate to other corners of the world when it became evident that artificially low wages could not generate sufficient profits in the United States. "ChinaMart" is now the last large business firm remaining within American shores.
So, it is appropriate, that on this day, here in the far northeast woods of Maine, in what was once a thriving nation, America took her last breath. It is indeed ironic that, as the new dawn broke early on this historic day, the sun was setting on a nation and a society that was once the envy of the civilized world. A small band of rag-tag patriots, sitting around a camp-fire, openly weeped for what was, and what could have been, as America breathed her last.
No funeral services are scheduled. However, a victory party will be held in the new capitol, Mexico City, complete with mariachi music and a victory parade complete with "low riders", victory speeches by officials of the DC&HSCM (Drug Cartel & Human Smuggling Corporation of Mexico).
"She lives now only in the hearts of those who once loved her"