Minutes of Trump-Clinton Meeting, 15 April, 2015
Location: #1 Trump Tower
Hillary: "Good evening, Donald. Okay, what's the deal you're proposing".
Donald: "I love you two...I think you're both terrific." "And I want to help you win the White House next year."
Bill: "Hey, Donald, that's huuuge!" I'm eager to hear more!"
Donald: "Well, look, this is gonna sound wild...but here's my plan: I will declare myself a Republican and run for President." "But, hey, I'm not interested in being President...you two already know my interest is profit and a great deal." "So what I do, I declare for President, and I rope in all these idiots that are just salivating to swallow some of my snake oil." "And you're not gonna believe how I sell myself...I'm gonna tell these rubes what they want to hear....whatever they want to hear...and they'll fall for it like the fools they are."
Hillary: "Well, how does this help us, Donald?"
Donald: "Don't you get it, Hill?" "I'm gonna tear apart the Republican Party!" "I will smear the other candidates with a broad brush...I'll call em "pussies"...I'll insult women, I'll fabricate lies about my Republican opponents...and, best of all, I'm gonna resurrect the old Iraq WMD conspiracy and use all the old liberal lines...but when it's coming out of my mouth, it'll sound true!" By the time I'm finished with the Republicans, whether I win the nomination or not, I'll have damaged any potential Republican nominee and probably the Republican Party forever!
Hillary: "Wow!" "That sounds great, Donnie!" "But, pardon me, but I have to ask what's in this for you?"
The Donald: "Gee, Hillary, the way you and Bill showed how well you could funnel foreign donations to your own Swiss bank account, you ought to be able to see what I want!"
Bill: "How much".
Donald: "Gonna cost you!" "Gonna cost you big time!"
Hillary: "How much Donald!"
Donald: "I want a billion up front....along with some fringe benefits".
Bill: (Swallows hard) "Don, how we gonna come up with that kind of scratch?" "Even Hillary and I don't have that much!"
Donald: "Oh come on, Bill...I shouldn't have to draw you a picture. As President, Hillary has access to all kinds of slush funds...hell, just siphon off some of that secret CIA money to pay me off".
Hillary: "The could be done...now what are the other "fringe benefits".
Donald: "I want the contract to build Hillary's Presidential Library, I want you to declare "Eminent Domain" for the entire south end of Queens, New York..and turn the land over to me, and I want the contracts to build all Planned Parenthood Abortion Centers across the nation for the next ten years."
"And, finally, I want the contracts for any urban renewal projects you implement for Baltimore, Detroit and Los Angeles."
Bill: "Wow, pretty steep price, Donald."
Donald: "Take it or leave it." "If I can be blunt, let's face it, Hillary aint' exactly Reagan when it comes to campaigning." "If you want to guarantee a win, take my deal".
Hillary: "Okay, you got a deal".
Donald: "Terrific!" "Oh, by the way, you two; I'm gonna be slamming both of you pretty hard." "Don't sweat it...you know I love you two....this will just be my way of roping in all the rubes." "When it's all over we'll have a big dinner in the White House and you can give me a "Presidential Medal of Freedom Award" or something else really neat.
Hillary/Bill: "We love you, Donald!" "You're a great asset to the Democratic Party!"
Donald: "It's gonna be huuuge!" "I'm gonna make the Democratic Party great again!"