Monday, November 14, 2016

Box Office And Juke Box Poison


We heard a lot from celebrities during this past election season, the vast majority in support of Hillary Clinton.  That's alright; celebrities have as much right to voice their beliefs as anyone else.  However, those celebrities should know that, as soon as they open their mouths, they lose half of their fan base.
They seem not to care.  So, if they don't care, I don't much care either.  I will say that I indeed have my own little personal boycott going.  I wouldn't buy a Lady Gaga record, or a Cher tune, or a Streisand album if you held a gun to my head.  And, when any of the Kardashian sisters, or George Lopez, or Jim Carrey's mugs appear on the TV screen I reach for the TV remote real quick.

And, as biased as anyone else, I freely admit to liking John Voigt and Tom Selleck and James Woods and Bruce Willis, and the small minority in Hollywood who dare to speak out in a Hollywood infested with liberals.  Sadly, the names just mentioned are just some of the few who have managed to survive in a Hollywood that will blackball a conservative celebrity in a heartbeat.

My boycott doesn't matter, but for those celebrities right on the brink of sinking into ForgetYouLand, you would think they'd be smart and keep their politics to themselves.  When you're that close to being forgotten you'd think they'd be smart enough to shut up.  

I also have a theory about how celebrities come to be so god-awful stupid about how the real world lives.  They start out in some small town school theater, their high school drama teacher a little light in the loafers encourages them to "explore their feminine side" and soon being gay ain't so fact, being gay is to be "artiste"....anyone straight saddled with a handicap from the starting gate, the number one handicap being that you're straight and therefore automatically "gender biased".  (And I have no problems with gays...I just don't believed it should be introduced to children before they're ready...or having the lifestyle shoved in my face and forced to accept it....or else!)

Then the children drift off to Hollywood and spend a few months on the Sunset Strip, where women with balls and dick and men with tits are drinking coffee right next to Mr. Hanks at the nearby Starbucks and the kid says "ain't that cool".  Or they head to New York where half the city populace grew up and experienced their first public masturbation in a video booth in Times Square.  And pretty soon alternative forms of self love and alternative methods of achieving orgasm, made bountiful by increasing your date pool by expanding your sexual preferences is cool.

And what down and out musician, or Broadway wannabe, or "struggling thespian" hasn't signed up for food stamps or Guggenheim grants, or if you're really smart and breed some kids, a nice big fat welfare check!  So, after these folks make it big, and after they've ensconced themselves behind iron gated estates, protected by the Beverly Hills Security detail, served croquettes and cocaine by their illegal Mexican maid, they look back fondly on their "salad days" and say "hey, ain't government great...and the bigger the better!"  

And, of course that's when the hypocrisy begins.  They buy themselves a personal jet, then begin to preach about global warming and the sins of fossil fuels.  They advocate for Muslim and Mexican immigrants, yet won't take a single one into their own home...unless it's to clean their toilets and cut the grass...and live above the garage.  

And, perhaps the worst symptom of the celebrity psyche comes when they begin to believe that they are the heroes and heroines they play on the silver screen...when they believe they are superhuman, when they believe they are smarter than all of the rest of us trailer trash out here in the hinterlands.  At this point they become as tiring and uninviting as a Jimmy Swaggart at a Saturday evening tent revival, telling us in grand detail just how we ought to think and how we ought to live.

So, I boycott the bastards.  I suspect many do.  That's fine for most of the big stars.  Georgie Clooney ain't likely to lose his mansion in Britain, or his palatial estate on Lake Como in Italy, and Matt Damon and Cher and Streisand have stashed enough money away to last them forever....if they never crack and actually donate to all the causes they profess to love!  But, if I were an "up and comer"; just breaking into the business, or if I were sliding down the popularity polls greased with Vaseline, I'd shut the fuck up about my political views.

Just saying.  Whoops, Whoopie and Rosie just showed up on the boob tube....where the hell is that remote?


TheRandyGuy said...

Loved it. Here's what friend of mine posted recently. Long, but worth the read.

"Dear Hollywood celebrities,
You exist for my entertainment. Some of you are great eye candy. Some of you can deliver a line with such conviction that you bring tears to my eyes. Some of you can scare the crap out of me. Others make me laugh. But you all have one thing in common, you only have a place in my world to entertain me. That’s it.
You make your living pretending to be someone else. Playing dress up like a 6 year old. You live
in a make believe world in front of a camera. And often when you are away from one too. Your entire existence depends on my patronage.
I’ll crank the organ grinder; you dance.
I don’t really care where you stand on issues. Honestly, your stance matters far less to me than that of my neighbor. You see, you aren’t real. I turn off my TV or shut down my computer and you cease to exist in my world. Once I am done with you, I can put you back in your little box until I want you to entertain me again.
I don’t care that you think the BP executives deserve the death penalty. But I bet you looked cute saying it.
And you? Really? I’m supposed to care what the director of fluffy tripe made for gullible people thinks about global warming or gun control? Get back into your bubble. I’ll let you know when I’m in the mood for something blue and shiny.
And I'm also supposed to care that you will leave this great country if Trump becomes president? Ha. Please don't forget to close the door behind you. We'd like to reserve your seat for someone who loves this country and really wants to be here.
Make me laugh, or cry. Scare me. But realize that the only words of yours that matter are scripted. I might agree with some of you from time to time, but it doesn’t matter. In my world, you exist solely for my entertainment
So, shut your pie hole and dance, monkey!"

A Modest Scribler said...

Beautiful indictment of Hollywood, Randy. Were this true for us all. Sadly, there are millions who worship the "organ grinder monkeys" as gods....worship them as if they were sacred cows.

Brian Kalifornia said...

That is funny as hell Randy, so so true though. I'm just glad my 2nd Amendment is safe for at least 4 years. "Shut up and dance Monkey" funny!