Saturday, January 25, 2014

Neanderthal Republicans


It's far past time for the Republican Party to join the 21st century.  They are wrong on so many issues that it's clear they no longer have the pulse of the America of 2014.  

For example, these knuckle draggers have simply got to cease this war on women.  It is high time that Republicans understand that women now rule the roost (and in 50 years we'll all be chicks).  First of all, there is no great need to have a man around the house.  Vibrators, dildos and government benefits are all women need these days.  Now that fully half of all families are run by single women they are free to make their mistakes because there are enough city, state and federal programs fully funded to support the children bred from marriage mistakes or unscheduled child births.  And Republicans better get it through their thick heads that when we demand taxpayer funded abortions and free birth control pills, by golly we'd better get them…if we have to we'll make that the seminal issue when we go to the polls and vote.

Hispanics are also bemoaning these hard ass, hard line Republicans who refuse to grant amnesty and citizenship to our illegal brothers and sisters.  There ought not to be any borders anyway.  Pull back the border patrol and hang out a welcome sign and soon we'll all be an entire hemisphere of a laid-back, easy going Hispanic culture that values the free flow of non prescription drugs and generic viagra and a "piñata in every pot".  Following the collapse of the border we'll all be able to work for cash and tell those auto insurance companies to go to hell.  Then we'll build a football sized emergency room at every hospital and enjoy free health care for all.

And for god's sake, ease up on the LGBT community too, huh?  Let's look at the advantages of the gay and bi-sexual lifestyle, huh?  First of all it doubles your chances of getting a date for Saturday night and it cuts the birth control rates way down.  And, when unwanted children are born, rather than abort them, just put them up for adoption by gay couples.  And, lets face it, if more people were gay we'd all dress nicer and enjoy more primary colors in our living room.

And when will Republicans begin to get a grip on economic basics?  There are too damn many rich people traipsing around the nation; we need to confiscate their wealth and pass it out evenly to every American family.  That way, the government doesn't have to pass out green checks to 50% of us and many of us would be rich enough to actually pay taxes!  And whoever came up with the idea of "economic incentive" has to be the doofus of the century.  Someone will always come along and invent a heart valve or start up a new "Amazon" and we can confiscate the wealth they accrue as fast as we possibly can.  There will always be enough sturdy donkeys for us to ride!  

And what about that $17 trillion dollar national debt the Republicans are always throwing in our faces? Hey knucklehead!…you ever heard of bankruptcy?  We just have the Attorney General draw up the bankruptcy paperwork, file it in federal court, and, voila!…no more national debt!

If Republicans would just get with the program, if they would just get their head straight and embrace the Democratic Party platform we could all live in peace and harmony, smoke a toke or two, mob rob a 7-11 after we get the munchies, and enjoy the fruits of the labor of those sturdy old donkeys that just can't help themselves.

Any questions?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You liberals are all the same.