Monday, February 25, 2013
Obama's Sequestration Memo
Memo From: Barack Obama
Subject: Sequestration Strategy
To: All Cabinet Secretaries
Okay guys, Bob Woodward's nailing of Jack Lew, of our staff, as the "idea man" for the Sequestration proposal has left us a bit behind the 8-ball this morning. A change of strategy is now necessary, strategic but not tactical. I still plan to spend a lot of time on Air Force 1 this week, continuing my campaign to demonize Republicans on this matter. I've got a full schedule this week. I'll be traveling around the D.C. area today, empathizing with the teacher's union and their subsequent loss of tax payer funded day care workers and touting our outstanding National Teachers Union.
Tomorrow I'll be in Norfolk commiserating with military civilian contractors who are subject to furloughs and layoffs as a result of this 3% cut in the growth of this year's budget.
As we get closer to Friday's implementation of Sequestration cuts let's all get out there and bemoan the loss of that 3%. Let's emphasize the fact that our nation's children will not be safe going to school, that our first responders won't be able to respond to a crime scene and homes will be burned down because there's no fire fighters on duty to battle the blaze. Janet (Napolitano), I want you to emphasize that we can expect additional hordes of illegals crossing the border as we scale back the Border Patrol. Katherine (Sebellius), please highlight the fact that we'll be doing less Aids testing (please refrain from admitting that states and localities perform 95% of these tests).
Secondly, let's make sure we're on the same page on firings and furloughs; do not let me hear that you're laying off beauraucratic "desk jockeys". If we're going to lay some one off let's make sure the voters "see the pain". Don't be laying off back office workers and administrators; lay off those in the "store windows", the fireman and police and teachers. Ray, (La Hood) let's make sure TSA gropes some old ladies and wheel chair patients and see if we can't slow down airport security screenings to get the flying public's attention. And Ray, it might be helpful if your air traffic control folks could start putting pilots "on visual" in a few snowstorms around Chicago and Milwaukee!
Let's close down Sequoia and Yellowstone National Parks; that ought to raise a few eyebrows!
Look folks, it's unfortunate that we have to resort to fear tactics but we simply cannot let the pendulum begin swinging toward budget cutbacks; if we end up going that way it'll be damned hard trying to get back to deficit spending...and you all know if we don't spend we don't stay in office.
Y'all see Michelle on the Oscar's last night? Wasn't she cute? Between her appearances on Leno and Jimmy Fallon this week she's done us a lot of "PR good" and we're gonna need all the help we can get in the coming weeks if we're gonna win the budget battle.
Finally, let's continue to hammer on "the rich" (please don't bring up the January tax raise we already got from them!). And let's continue to refrain from mentioning that $500 billion we've given to our Solar friends and hammer big oil for their $4 billion dollar drilling subsidy.
Jump Ball! Let's win the tip-off!
Post Script: Here's how silly this panic over Sequestration is: Even after Sequestration the government will spend more than it did last year; the 3% is only a cut in the rate of the budget increase. A second example: Let's say your family income is $3,000 dollars per month. For economic reasons you must cut 3%, or a hundred dollars a month from your family budget. You would manage: You might move from beef to chicken, from steak to hamburger, but you would manage, just as millions of Americans have had to do during this four year recession. But when the government is asked to cut the rate of "increase" by 3% they cry like little girls and go off and pout and scream and threaten not to eat their veggies. Sad. Damned Sad.