White Meat, Dark Meat

                                                         

It is far too late for most of us, but for any of you young folks out there that have yet to select a spouse, let me offer a few bits of advice.  Forget about all that corny and mushy love stuff, forget about looks, or personality, or even compatibility.  Instead, find out if she/he prefers dark meat or white meat and go for your opposite on the meat scale.

Now this may sound strange, but think about it.  When you go out and buy chicken, whether roasted or fried, they always fend off the part of the chicken you DON'T like in order to get the parts you do.  

For example, I don't like dark meat while the wife prefers it.  This has been the ideal situation for the past 43 years.  We've never had to throw out any part of the chicken, or pawned them off on the dogs, because we are exact opposites on our chicken preferences.

Okay, okay...I know you're thinking this is a pretty petty factor for picking a spouse.  But stay with me on this.  Think about how much money you save over a life time of dining on fowl.  How many chickens have you eaten over your lifetime?  Hundreds if you are even an average chicken eater!  Now think about all that unwanted chicken you threw out because of your yen for dark or white meant, but not both!  How many dogs did you send to their early cholesterol-clogging death because they had to pick up the slack for fowl that you wouldn't feed on!

I tell you the money you save on Chicken will eventually leave you enough savings to buy a good size home!  Or maybe spring for an ocean cruise on one of those big cruise ships!

You should know that Thanksgiving around our house is a pretty happy place!  While I'm savoring a juicy and crispy turkey breast the wife is gnawing happily on a Turkey leg and we're both in Tom Turkey heaven!

And while I'm doling out marriage advice, let me say the old "opposites attract" truism is pure gold!  If you're really sloppy, if you like dropping your underwear in the middle of the bathroom floor, if you have no aversions to dust, or a sink full of dirty dishes, go out and find yourself a spouse with a manic-compulsive cleaning fetish!  You'll get along great!

Yeah, I know most of you are guided by your heart and your hormones when choosing a mate.  Shapely legs, a nice rack and you're all too willing to buy the ring and walk down the aisle.  But, if you really want to talk "attractive",  if you really want "sexy",  don't discount the power of the "white meat-dark meat" approach to marriage.  There is nothing more sexy to this white meat aficionado than sitting at the Thanksgiving table and watching my wife gnawing on a turkey leg...better than Viagra!...in fact, as I recall, that's how my youngest daughter was conceived!