Monday, July 27, 2015

Phone Sex

                                                                 

A few months ago my daughter and granddaughter came to visit. I wanted to take them downtown to a Deli that had been highly recommended. So I had run Mapquest in advance and determined where it was and how to get there. Alas, my dear granddaughter, wanting to insure Papa didn't get lost, had her I-Phone on and programmed to give directions. So, all the way downtown I'm hearing directions being called out on her iPhone. Nearly drove me nuts....kinda like an electronic back seat driver.
I don't and never have owned a smart phone. I still have one of those cheap Chinese flip phones that do just fine and need a charge only every four days or so. I'm too dumb and far too impatient to learn all the ins and outs of a smart phone. I do own an iPod Touch which has many of the features of an iPhone. I used exactly 5% of those features; downloading music and lectures and podcasts. My wife also gave me an iPad that looks lovely sitting, unused, plugged into a wall socket in the living room. I have books and audio books loaded on it but usually just read books off my Amazon Kindle.
So, while I'm plugged into the marvelous world of technology, I only employ it to enjoy books and music. I would far prefer to read the entire text of the Treaty of Versaille than learn how to talk with Siri, or ground out text message (I don't have text service on my dumb phone either). 
So I guess I'll always be a neanderthal when it comes to the wonders of smart phones. They just don't excite me.
I will say my wife has one of those little portable GPS units in her car. She often brings it with her when we travel in mine. Before I pull out of the driveway she's already punching in an address for our destination, then I'm subjected to being told where we're going...even when I know how to get there. A few years ago we were traveling from the Central Valley back to Phoenix. My wife had her GPS fired up and ready to go. Her GPS wanted me to go down to L.A. and pick up highway 10 to Phoenix. Since I love driving in L.A. about as much as I like root canals, I picked up Highway 58 East in Bakersfield, driving over the Tehachipi's, over to Barstow and into Arizona via Highway 40. And for the next two hundred miles that GPS was telling me to turn around and go back to Bakersfield and head down Fwy 5. My wife nearly lost her GPS unit in the middle of the Mojave Desert.
Back to phones again. If you call me on the phone don't bother to leave a message; I have no idea how to retrieve them. If I'm around when the phone rings I'll certainly answer, but if someone has left me a message in the last five years they are off into some electronic Twilight Zone where I fear to tread. 
And if you're expecting a call from me, you'll probably wait awhile. I am also cursed with a phone phobia. I sometimes really want to call someone, but inevitably I always fear that they are just sitting down to dinner and am afraid of making their steak go cold while gabbing with me. Another scenario that stops me cold is calling while my friends or loved ones are in the throes of sex. 
But when you people aren't eating, or having sex, you are more than welcome to call me. If I don't answer just leave a message.  smile emoticon

6 comments:

Frank K said...

I'm not quite as bad as you but close. I suggest you learn to text. It's really a godsend. It's like calling someone where they don't have to answer right away but you will get some sort of communication eventually. Plus, I don;t have to dial a phone very often. I, like you, do not want to bother people in the throes of ecstasy. Also, once a year I drive down to Las Vegas from Sonoma County and love that drive over the Tehachapis. It'll be a sad day when I'm too old to drive the 600 miles. an old CD of Rock and Roll blaring and cruise control set at 80. What a ride!!

A Modest Scribler said...

Frank, I would love to visit Sonoma County if all those damn liberal yuppies would leave! Maybe if I live long enough I'll get into texting...right now I don't miss it. I use email pretty much to communicate with family and friends.

Jerry Gray said...

You had me worried sick because you never answer my texts to you. Though sure I must have offended you somehow. I called to apologize for what ever I had unknowingly done but you never picked up the phone.....Guess you were having sex.

A Modest Scribler said...

I'm sure not a word of that is true, Jerry. If you texted you would have hit a brick wall, and if you called, I was probably sleeping. (Don't take the phone to my bedroom with me at night).

Frank K said...

Believe it or not, 95% of my friends here(Sonoma County) are not Liberals and that is not a choice I deliberately made. They have all been by chance. There really is a difference between Liberals and Conservatives. I can talk to someone for 5 minutes and know which is which without mentioning Politics. And knowing that difference, I can honestly say, I'll NEVER be a Liberal.

A Modest Scribler said...

Wonderful to hear, Frank K.