Friday, March 16, 2012

Managing The "F" Word


When I was a kid saying the "F" word would get you a good mouthful of a Lifebuoy Bar from your mom.  Today it's used so frequently that it's lost much of the heft and weight behind it.  The "F" word was one my generation kept in its arsenal for when we were really, really angry at someone, or about something.

Today the "F" word shows up on Cable, or late at night on the mainstream channels, or during the day when it takes the form of short squeaky bleep by program monitors when uttered by those Illuminati who wish to appear "hip".

I've heard the "F" word used in everyday conversation so often from some people (usually ignorant, uneducated and inarticulate people)  that it becomes some weird form of speech pattern.  Because I am from my particular generation, and because, like in my youth, I choose to keep it in my arsenal for use when it really means something, I used the word sparingly.

However, sparingly does not necessarily mean infrequently.  I have found myself using the word more often these days as we become less civil to each other.

For instance, the "F" word always comes out when someone makes a hard left in front of me at an intersection in which I have the right away.  When riding with my wife, who hates the word, she always says "you know, they can't hear you, so the only one that gets offended is me".  I take the criticism silently, not bothering to explain that at least I feel better after having uttered the phrase; it's cathartic to get the anger out of my system.

Lately, I have been "F"ing off every one of those recorded telemarketing messages, especially the ones that tells me that "there is nothing wrong with my credit" but I need to call this number right away.  When the telemarketer is a live call, I always say something smart ass like "perhaps your firm has not heard of the "Do Not Call" list; if you had you certainly wouldn't be calling me.  However, in this day and age, when companies are desperate to survive, and who have opted to ignore the Do Not Call law, I'm becoming more and more tempted to use the good ole "F" You phrase.   Were it not for the fact that the poor telemarketing slob is just trying to make a living I would turn those telephone conversations into obscene phone calls.

I'm also sorry to admit that I have been "dissing" the President of the United States with the "F" word every time he treks out to the Rose Garden to make another "pronouncement on high" about sticking still another of Big Government's fingers into my personal life.  When I last googled the number of speeches Obama has made it came out to an average of two per day for every day he's spent in office.

I also invariably utter the "F" word at some point when listening to Al Sharpton, Bill Mahr, Jessie Jackson, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Debra Wasserstein, Stephen Colbert, or Rachel Maddow for any length of time.

At my age I know better.  I know I should try to abstain from using the "F" word at all.  I'm sure my mother is waiting up in heaven with a six pack of Lifebuoy when I stroll through those pearly gates.  But, I've found that there's nothing like the good old "F" word, used with discretion, for expressing my feelings about a particular matter.

In My Mother's 80 years I never ever heard her utter the deadly word.  Nor, in my 44 years of life with my wife have I ever heard her utter the word either.  Good for them.  I admire them for that.

But I'm a curmudgeon, and I don't believe a curmudgeon could survive had he not been able to spew out an "F" word on timely occasions.

Gotta go now, my phone is ringing, and it is undoubtedly one of those "F******* telemarketers.


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