Monday, January 4, 2016

Facebook Follies


I just read the weirdest story in my Sunday morning the Crime Section. It seems that some small town fellow from "Hicksville" (some little town in southeast Arizona) hooked up with a sophisticated city lady in Phoenix on Face Book.

Before long "hick" and "city lady" were exchanging "keyboard endearments" with each other. The exchange got sufficiently heated that "hick" decided to abandon his tractor, climb into his ancient Ford 250, and motor on up to Phoenix for a little "slap and tickle" with his new found "cyber siren".

So "Mr. Hick" showed up on city lady's doorstep on Friday afternoon, where the two engaged in some heated "beast with two backs" all Friday night and into Saturday morning, and all was fine and dandy..until the next day when city lady went to the front door, cracked it open an inch or allow easy access by two of her male friends to enter, tie "Mr. Hick" up in duct tape, steal his clothes, valuables, including his Hulk Hogan genuine alligator wallet filled with dollar bills that totaled his whole net worth.

"Mr. Hick" eventually alerted the neighbors to his plight, by screaming and putting his hog calling talents to good use, neighbors alerted the police who found "Mr. Hick" clad only in white knee socks and Walmart silk boxers, adorned with little red hearts.

Then the story gets a bit convoluted. Seems that the real "city lady of his FB dreams was actually out of town. Someone else on FB had followed their heated exchanges and taken the opportunity to break into the apartment...the second pretender "lady in waiting" part of a scheme to shuck poor "Mr. Hick" from all his worldly goods. Which they did!

Police have contacted "Lady Number 1", who was out of town, and totally ignorant of the ruse, and feels just as sorry for poor "Mr. Hick" as she can be. Alas, police have searched for "pretending lady #2" and her male co-conspirators, without success.

I guess the moral of this story is "never plan any cyber hanky-panky until you have at least shaken hands with your prospective bed mate...and matched up their profile pic with whoever you plan to "make the beasts with two backs" with.

And, while I don't know how much "Mr. Hick" had in his wallet, I hope it was worth a night and morning of mad passionate love with a "cyber-sweetie".


Frank Krzesowiak said...

Sorry. I don't buy the story. If a Thief(s) was going to put that much planning and effort into getting a mark into a web, I'm sure they weren't counting on him just by chance having a lot of money on him. There's either more to the story, or less. Plus how did she know about the two's online "relationship"m how did she get on the real ladies Facebook page to lure him? Nope. Not buying it for a minute(or renting either). She probably could have "Hooked" for that night of passion and made more money with less planning. Sounds like Twitter calling Facebook black.

A Modest Scribler said...

Sorry, Frank...not with you on this one. I've seen even goofier things on the crime pages. And, yes, it is very easy to follow others on FB if they don't mark their postings as private (vs public). And I have never underestimated the stupidity of those who commit crime.

Frank Krzesowiak said...

You're too easy, Scribe. Maybe you're "Crime Pages" are infused with fiction just like they do on "reality" shows. You know. To "spice" things up.

Brian Clancy said...

Whether true or not the rendition offered here is certainly hilarious.