Friday, February 17, 2012

He Didn't Want A Mother; Wanted A Slave To Abuse


I personally know a very sweet lady who just happens to be the mother of an abusive sociopath son.  The son, having already driven away his spouse's parents, was in need of a "Nana-Nanny" for his child.  As he has always done when in need, he turned to his mother for help.  And why would he not?  Despite enjoying an annual household income in the $300,000 range, when he decided to short sale his home and move to another, he asked his mother to pull out her meager $25,000 dollar IRA fund and loan it to him so that he could buy an equally plush home elsewhere.  Always willing to help her children, the mother withdrew her only savings and loaned him the money.  Because the money was not returned within the IRA time frame, she was unable to put all of her lifetime savings back into the tax-protected account.

That didn't matter to the mother.  She always placed the most importance on her children.  So, after retiring from her business and settling in for some serene retirement years, the son came calling; he asked her to come stay with him so that she could serve as nanny and nursemaid and chauffeur for her son's child.  Leaving her home unattended, the mother did so.  Upon her arrival the son's family benefited by being allowed to cut back expenses on a nanny that was costing the family a hundred dollars per day.  Even better, the mother cooked the family's favorite meals, cleaned and gave loving care for her grandchild.

This situation was working so well for the son's family that he proposed that the mother move permanently to the area.  To entice her, the son proposed possibly assisting her in the purchase of a home. However, the mother, fully aware that her son's promises were not always ironclad, opted to buy a home in the area, but only in a price range that would fit her limited budget.  After all, the son has previously promised to pay her $1,000 dollars a month to perform "nana care" and that was never forthcoming so she was adamant that she must rely on her own resources in buying a home.

Now the other children in the family were extremely concerned about their mother moving to such close proximity to their brother.  They were well aware of his capability for extreme abuse, having witnessed the son screaming at their mother on numerous occasions and showing no respect for either his parents or the parents of his spouse.  In fact, last year while visiting, the son's father had kindly asked the son not to refer to his in-laws as "bitch" and "bastard" in front of him and was greeted by the foulest "fuck you" rant  one rarely hears voiced toward parents.   Within ten minutes the father exited the home and resolved to never tolerate abusive treatment from a child ever again.

No matter, the mother, seeing the son in need, moved last May to the son's home and began providing caring support for the grandchild, tried mightily to make her son happy by cooking his favorite meals, giving him haircuts that cost him $30 bucks in a barbershop, tailored his pants that he said often cost him in excess of $30 dollars per pair, did her share of food shopping and taking the grandchild to pre-school.

As with anyone who lives with the abusive son, the mother was extremely stressed all the time, having to keep up her guard and never saying anything that would send the son into "abuse mode"; when set off the son yelled and screamed verbally lashed out at anyone who emitted even a hint that he was not in total control of everyone around him.

Further stressed by the failure to locate an affordable home,  a home that she could pay the mortgage on with a $600 dollar Social Security check and a dependent allotment, the situation blew up last week.  The son's wife had proposed the purchase of a home that included, in addition to mortgage payments, both HOA and MELLO ROOS fees that made the home unsuitable for her income.

The son, overhearing the conversation from another room, entered the room and began screaming at his mother, lecturing her on the need to entertain his wife's suggestion and ranting in an out of control manner.  Being forewarned, and having reached her limit of abuse, the mother said nothing, merely retreating to her room and began preparing her suitcases for departure.

However, not content with the abuse he had already rained on his mother, the son pursued her to the bedroom and began screaming at her, sticking angry fingers in her face and telling her to shut up:  "Zip it Up", he screamed!  The mother did not open her mouth as she was in mortal fear of her life.

When the mother could not pack her belongings fast enough, the son began picking up her things and throwing them into the street.  When the mother called her husband, sobbing into the phone, and begging him to come and pick her up, the husband, who was 800 miles away, tried to calm her, and then called the local police, asking them to get the mother to a safe place until he could reach his wife and bring her back home.

Fortunately, the police responded quickly and helped her pick up her belongings in the street, then transporting her to the refuge of a hotel.  When the husband finally arrived late that night, he found a wife and mother emotionally crippled and devastated beyond belief.

The mother is now safely home, but scarred and ill at the moment.  Her immune system, devastated by the long pattern of months of abuse by her son, has left her sick and she will require months of recovery before she is again healthy in body and mind.

Sadly, she has learned the hard way that a sociopath has little regard for familial relationships, even for a mother whose only crime was trying to serve her son.

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