From: Lois Lerner
Director, Exempt Organizations Unit, Internal Revenue Service
Memo To: All Staff Members
Subject: Assholes and Crazies
Okay, team....you've all seen the applications for tax exempt status from those radical conservative groups advocating for flag respect, support for the military, patriotism, bolstering PTA attendance, public school reform, reduction of street crime, smaller government, et al.
You know what to do with those applications; toss in the waste basket right along with your video game cases and Starbucks latte cups.
Don't pity those assholes for a minute...you give an inch, they'll take a mile, and pretty soon they'll end up in charge and they'll be telling you no more four day work weeks and no more video game playing and no more annual conventions in Vegas.
As you all know, President Obama has our back on this. I've been up to the White House 36 times this year and he's given us our marching orders. Delay and persecute anyone who espouses free markets, small government and personal liberties, whatever the hell that is supposed to mean.
I don't need to tell you that this is all hush-hush...confidential, "need to know" only stuff. If you, by chance, get a Congressional inquiry on the tax exempt denials and delays, just stonewall the hell out of them...they've got spines as soft as 20 minute spaghetti so don't sweat the Re-Thugs.
By the way, you folks are moving quickly enough on applications for our "friends"...you know who they are...."Women for The Advancement of Free Birth Control and Abortions United", "The African American Electioneering Swinging Baton Club", "The Charlie Rangel Fan Club", "The Sacred Church of Al Sharpton", "The Cap and Trade Tax Em Till It Really Hurts Association". And let's not forget our Hispanic Friends. Let's get moving on fast tracking exemption for "Hispanics Por La Causa" and the "Hispanic Association For The Advancement of Social Security Pensions For Those Who Never Paid In". And Pedro from "La Raza" called..he's says you guys are slow in getting him an exemption for Mexican sourced Peso donations which should not be counted against their monetary cap.
Okay, gang, let's get cracking on those exemptions for our liberal friends. As for those assholes and crazies out in Middle America, I've directed maintenance to double their wastebasket collections for the next few months. I know you'll all be busy tossing those conservative applications in good ole File 13!
Hope and Change Folks!