Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Barack O'Santa Arrives Early!
From: President, News Division, NBC
Date: 30 October 2012
Memo To: MSNBC (All Staff)
Ladies and Gentleman of all NBC News Divisions
1. Just got a call from the Prez. He's hit on a good idea which should put him over the top come next Tuesday and he needs our help to make it happen. Here's the plan. The plan heretofore will be referred to as "Operation Barack O'Santa".
2. Drop immediately all news coverage of the Benghazi fiasco. Initiate immediately blanket coverage of President Obama addressing any and all speech and photo ops of our President offering aid and succor to Hurricane Sandy victims.
3. Put our best reporters on the scene in New York City and Maryland and New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Virginia; cover President Obama's "compassion tour" as he offers up billions of dollars in federal aid to both individuals and states in any way affected by the storm. I was briefed by the President's staff that there will be absolutely no refusals for even the most trivial of FEMA funding requests.
4. Cover the President as he makes appearances at schools, subways, hospitals, homeless shelters. Insure the mics are amped up to the max to capture the sense of angst and sorrow in the President's voice as he commiserates with those who have lost a home or a car or, if we're lucky, a loved one.
Note: Under no circumstances are you to mention the massive disruption, and restoration delays generated by first responders having to divert their rescue efforts in order to support the President's massive motorcade requirements!
5. When at all possible, identify the dollar amounts of aid going to each community affected by the storm. (Caution: do not mention that this aid is sourced from tax payers; make it appear this aid is coming right out of Barack's pocket!) Note: Cue up a "We Are The World" soundtrack whenever the President is in camera view)
6. Gin up some story that Romney would have cut out all FEMA funds and let everyone drown; whatever you do, don't mention Romney loaded up his campaign bus with food and water and blankets and dispatched it to affected areas!
7. As soon as Romney resumes his campaign, attack him mercilessly for ignoring our national tragedy and introducing politics in the face of so much destruction.
8. Attention Chris Matthews: I'm expecting you to carry the brunt of the load here; be sure and label Romney a "racist" if he evens used the words "Baltimore", "Harlem" or "Newark".
Okay, folks, as of this hour implement "Operation Barack O'Santa"! Let's get going!