I've become positively inspired by celebrities these days who have chosen to be something they weren't before...like the honky lady up in Seattle who went all "fro" and transported herself to "Black". And why not? Blacks have it great these days! They win free education Pell grants, are hired first under minority hiring preference...hell, even urban Black thugs are saluted as heroes these days! But, since I can't go "fro" cause I got no hair left, I think I'm going to fall back on my 12.5 percent of Cherokee bloodlines. Why not? Elizabeth Warren had less than 1% and she won a professorship that paid her $250,000 dollars for just showing up!
But I'm gonna travel a different road than ole Liz. I'm going to declare myself a "tribe of one" and have my quarter acre here at 10444 West Snead Drive set aside as a "reservation." Then I'm going to open up a gambling casino in my living room. I'll install a few Wheel of Fortune slot machines and a Blackjack table and rope in all the seniors who are now having to ride a bus for an hour to get out to Harrah's or the other casinos on the East Side. I'll hire a cocktail waitress and outfit her in a low cut dress, showing lots of cleavage, and have her ferry beer and watery drinks to the clientele, even as I am picking them clean.
And after I've made enough money from my Indian casino I'm gonna go find the best plastic surgeon in Phoenix and go all "Bruce Jenner" on ya and get myself a set of boobs...not because I want to change my sex....I just have always really loved boobs and it would be nice to have a couple of my very own to play with.