Okay, I'm not making this up! (Google It If You Must!).
So I'm reading my morning on line edition of the newspaper, and being an outgoing fella that I am, the "Best Things To Do This Weekend" article caught my eye. Well, I scrolled down the list, past all the Home and Garden Shows and Rock concerts and I come to a promo for The Sexual Health Expo being held out at the Doubletree Hilton Resort in Scottsdale!
Well, let me say that anything with the word "sex" in it always gets my attention. So I clink on the link and go to their web site. Apparently this business is doing very well; they just had 2,000 attend in Palm Springs. So here they are in the Phoenix area and likely to draw quite a crowd! So, before I even looked at the expo agenda I checked out the costs. Well, it's only $25 bucks a head, but it gets better! They'll prorate that ticket price down, based on age and how many times a year you have sex....so mine was almost free!
Intrigued, I moved on to the various agenda items for the show. First of all, the Sex Expo folks promise to improve your love life by offering sex education seminars in an upscale environment (does that mean I can't wear my Docker shorts and faded Wayne Newton T-shirt?). They also promise to market to you the latest sex toys and lifestyle technologies to meet your specific needs! They have Fleshlights and Ecstasy Gels and Sex With Emily (?)
But that's not all! In their seminars some lady named Ashley Manta will teach you how to talk dirty, Nina Helms will give you "five sexual tips" to drive your partner, of any combinations of genders, wild! There's also a seminar on "unique orgasms" and Big Beautiful Women Sex and "Finding the Male G Spot" and Ms. Amara Chiles will lecture on "Who Designed the Female Vagina?" Someone named Dr. Jess will cover "G-Spots," "Squirtings" and "Multiples!"
Well, by the time I read all of this I was in a post-coital stupor and it was too late to attend today's expo. But! Early tomorrow morning I'll down a hundred grams of Viagra with my morning coffee and head over to Scottsdale!