Saturday, September 13, 2014

"Palin-Tology"

                                                                 

The Democrats are in an orgasmic frenzy over news from Wasilla, Alaska.  Seems the entire Palin clan showed up for a party in honor of Todd's 50th birthday and things got out of hand.  It appears words were exchanged between son Track, the Iraq war veteran and an old boyfriend of his sister Willow.  Words got heated so the combatants were kind enough to take the fight out to the front yard where it got physical.  Reportedly, while the men folks were basically just beating their chests, the women got into some real fisticuffs.  Sarah got in her share of licks but witnesses said it was daughter Bristol who displayed a deadly left hook that did some serious damage.

Eventually the cops came but the alcohol had worn off a bit and none of the combatants wanted to press charges against each other...just your normal Momma Bear-Soccer mom weekend.  

Now, Democrats are just squirming in their seats, having orgasm after orgasm because, being lethal with their mouths, are not much for physical altercations themselves.  They just love it when political correctness goes by the wayside and proves what brutes conservatives are.

Well, let me be the first to say that I am not, nor have I ever been a particular fan of Sarah Palin.  The fingernails on a chalkboard voice put me off the very first time I heard her speak.  And while she talks a lot she's not eloquent...in fact she's rather course.

Still I found this brawl particularly appealing.  And, thought I, peacenik that I am, how wonderful it would be if more of our political leaders would shut their manic traps and get down and dirty with some serious fisticuffs.  It just might result in averting that 2nd Civil War I'm always talking about!

Stay with me here.  Consider this:  the most docile of folks love to go to professional fights.  Somehow, vicariously, they are able to watch one human beating another to a bloody pulp, and work off some of their own inner hostility.  

Why wouldn't that work in politics?  We could watch Democrats and Republicans participate in "matches to the death" and it might just quell a bit of our inner anger.

For me personally, I'd like to see Sarah Palin taking on Debbie "Wasserman Test" Schultz.  My god!...that would be wonderful.  Sarah runs marathons and Debbie runs her mouth and she just might experience what it's like when someone really does grab a woman by the head of her hair and beats the shit out of her.  People, that would quell my political frustration for a good week!

Think of the possibilities!  South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley vs Nancy Pelosi!  Nikki would win on the first take down by punching Nasty's Botox injection points and seeing Nasty's cheeks drooping down as far as those latex tits.  Match over!

How about New Mexico Governor Susana Martinez vs Sheila Big Hat Jackson from Texas?  Big Hat would have the weight advantage but Susana's pretty fit so about the third round I expect Big Hat would be huffing pretty nicely...just about time for a knockdown and a mad Mexican Hat Dance on that big red Texas monstrosity that Jackson tried to wear on the floor of the House.

How about Florida's Allen West vs Barack Obama?  No love lost there!  I can just see it now!  The bell rings, the boxers bump gloves, but instead of putting up his dukes, Barack begins trying to talk West out of fighting.  West is not having any of it and slams a right into Barry's midsection.  Barack puts his pencil thin wrists up to protect himself and Allen counters with a right hook that puts Barry on the mat.  Just then, from Barack's corner, Michelle winds herself through the ropes, flexes those masculine shoulders and executes a left hook that staggers West.  Barry crawls back to his stool and spits into his bucket and his trainers begin working on a cut over his left eye (he'll only be able to read one side of a teleprompter for the next week).  Michelle finishes off Allen West and looks out in the crowd and begins taunting Donald Trump to enter the ring.  Donald points at his hair mop and declines the invitation.

When Michelle leaves the ring Sarah Palin climbs back in and points directly at Hillary Clinton, sitting with Bill in the front row.  Hillary waves Sarah off, saying "I'm not running for office yet", but Bill picks her up and shoves her in the ring, then moves over to snuggle up with his "Bimbo of the Month" and yells "let the match begin".  While Sarah is donning the gloves Hillary gives her a kick in the privates and reaches out and twists both of Sarah's tits.  Sarah soon recovers and begins pummeling the older Hillary.  Finally Hillary begins crawling back to her corner and Bill, in a fit of pity, jumps up into Hillary's corner and asks if she's okay.  To which Hillary responds "Does it really matter now?"

I can think of all kinds of pol matches; Harry Reid vs John Boehner..Harry is older but was once a boxer and old John has smoked a few too many Marlboro's.  Charley Rangel vs Chris Christie, Marco Rubio vs Charlie Schumer, the Bronx Bomber.  

So, no, I didn't find anything alarming about the Palin brawl.  I'm inspired by it.  I have high hopes that it will set a trend.  I'd like nothing better than to see our politicians getting just a sample of what they've been giving us for half a century!

8 comments:

Jerry Carlin said...

Yes, yes, a Cage Fight!

Craig Bailey said...

Sarah Palin can have tear away clothes the rest of the women glued on permanant coverings.

A Modest Scribler said...

Come on, Craig! Tell me you don't want to see Hillary Clinton without her pant suit! :)

Frank said...

How about instead of elections, we have fights to determine Representatives and Senators? So instead of the Thieves, Crooks and Weanies we have in office now. We have the REAL men and women of America. Ones that will want to kick Putin's A$$ as well as people crossing our borders illegally. Take no sh it Americans like Allen west. Wow! What a dream...

A Modest Scribler said...

That's my whole point, Frank! Whoever wins the death match gets tax reform, welfare reform, immigration bill, etc.

Survival of the baddest!

Anonymous said...

Pay-per-view cage matches: Why limit it to politicians? May as well clean out the whole beltway; why not real farmers vs the EPA weenies that want to control them via water usage & red tape? IRS snoops vs pissed-off tax payers? Pay–per-view cage matches instead of taxation, maybe that is an idea whose time has come.

A Modest Scribler said...

I'll buy that, anon! I'd personally like to go
"mano a mano" with Eric Holder, Lois Lerner, Nasty Pelosi and Killary!

TheRandyGuy said...

Dream on.... Libs NEVER fight their own battles. Come to think of it, there isn't a real man I can name that calls himself a "Democrat"... And precious few "Republicans" with the stones it takes to do what is right either...